Guys naturally love to impress girls and occasionally tell white lies to make themselves look good but some men just take it too far. Take a look at these ridiculous lies guys have used to impress girls that backfired.
1. The Man Who Broke into a Mansion and Convinced His Girlfriend That He Owned It
18 year old Todd D. Blauvelt didn’t just decide to impress his girl, he set out to impress her entire family. He invited them to live in a giant luxurious mansion he had just inherited from his grandfather. Only problem was, he hadn’t inherited nothing.
The family accepted, because it probably seemed impossible that the whole thing could be a big, stupid lie.
Surely Blauvelt had the common sense to make sure “his” new bachelor pad belonged to, say, an eccentric billionaire who owns a hundred houses and never visits them?
Nope! His lovingly crafted lie lasted for just one hour. The actual owner of the place arrived while Blauvelt’s in-laws were still arguing over bedrooms, he gave them one look, and called the cops.
Going from a rich, charitable mansion owner to a lying felon in one fell swoop is a big nut shot for anyone. However, Blauvelt’s problems were just beginning: It turns out that the reason he assumed that his girlfriend would be impressed by a large-scale re-enactment of “playing house” was that she was still pretty much at an appropriate age. The cherry on this whole stupidity cake was that the lady of Blauvelt’s dreams was only 15.
When the police turned up, Blauvelt’s feet didn’t touch the ground. He was arrested and charged with sexual misconduct and endangering the welfare of a child, along with many interesting burglary-related things. His girlfriend and her family faced no repercussions, because apparently there are no laws against being incredibly gullible.
2. The Man Who Stole a Plane to Show His Girlfriend He Could Fly
In 2007, Michael Santos drove his girlfriend to an airport to show her how to fly a plane. Things were already well on their way down the path of catastrophe: Not only was Santos driving drunk, but he didn’t even have a driver’s license (he had a lifetime ban from driving because of, yes, drunk driving).
Still, Santos was certain that his inebriation wouldn’t affect his plane-flying capability — after all, he had none. Santos didn’t own a plane and was, all things considered, pretty much the exact opposite of a qualified pilot.
So Santos broke into the first plane he saw and managed to start its engine. The happy couple drove the plane around for a while on the ground. Santos was just trying to figure out how to take off.
While heading down the taxiway the left engine suddenly burst into flames.
Santos had enough sense to power down the engines before the whole plane exploded, and their romantic cruise in the sky took a different destination in the form of a nearby bean field, where the plane stuck. Presumably that marked the end of the date as well.
It took authorities several months to track down Santos, and they finally caught him because someone overheard him bragging about having stolen a plane once. Santos was charged with felony theft, criminal mischief, and being a habitual traffic offender, his grand total amounting to four years of prison.
The Man Who Faked a War Hero Status to Impress His Wife
To his wife, Roger Day was the bravest man who ever lived. Who could blame her? From the day they met, he had enthralled her with thrilling tales of his war heroics across multiple fronts and many decades. Although he had witnessed immeasurable atrocities, his only lament in life was that he couldn’t show his 17 medals to her, as they had sadly been stolen.
So Day’s wife made it her mission to replace those medals. After compiling a list of the medals Day said he’d lost, she went online to find replacements for all of them.
Through her diligence, she finally managed to assemble Day’s impressive collection. Finally, he could show the world what a hero he was! And indeed, come next Remembrance Day, Roger strapped on his wad of medals and marched in the parade with his fellow veterans. That’s when the problems started. He entered the parade looking like this:
If you look closely, there’s a man behind all those Christmas ornaments. And that man is a filthy liar. As you can guess, there is simply no way one man could have earned all of them unless he was Rambo.
According to his chest display, Day had been recognized for acts of bravery in theaters ranging from the Gulf War to World War II, and he had served the top secret SAS forces with enough merit to receive a bunch of their badges. It took the public roughly 0.05 seconds to realize that this jingling apparition was a bullshitter of the highest order, and since wearing medals in order to deceive happens to be against the law, he was awesomely arrested straight from the parade line.
Day hilariously attempted to maintain his war hero story for a while, but a court soon forced him to admit that he’d made it all up in order to impress his wife. And although history doesn’t tell us how things turned out for them, we’re guessing Day’s passive-aggressive claim that he only did it “because his wife needed a hero in her life” at least led to a few years of sleeping on the couch.
4. The Man Who Staged a Mid-Date Knife Attack
A lot of guys fantasize about getting their Great Heroic Moment of protecting a woman from a physical attack. For most of them, this is little more than a noble sentiment, slightly tainted by the knowledge that in the event of an actual attack, they’d probably be too busy pooping themselves to deal out karate chops.
And then there is Jeffery Siegel. He was hell-bent on winning over his date and thought that the perfect way to impress her was the old “knight in shining armor” trick: He’d make her swoon by kicking some punk ass in front of her. Reasonably, he was not willing to risk a situation where such a scenario would present itself naturally. Slightly less reasonably, he decided to stage one.
Siegel got a friend to dress in black and hide in the woods, waiting for him and his date to walk past. When they did, the friend jumped out and pretended to attack them with a knife.
However, Siegel’s elaborate scheme relied entirely on the assumption that all women are Bond girls and therefore react to danger by shrieking and waiting for rescue. He got his value system updated in a hurry: The second the fake attacker emerged, Siegel’s date promptly demonstrated the most effective self-defense system in existence: She ran away and called the police, leaving his sorry ass behind.
This put a slight wrinkle in Siegel’s plan: The whole point was that she could swoon over his decisive action in the face of danger instead of, you know, displaying some of her own. Not to be deterred by a mere complete failure, Siegel decided to give fake heroics one more go: He waited for the cops and presented them with a made-up story, where he was “slashed” three times by the knife-wielding maniac before he kung fu’d the attacker’s ass, driving him off. He had even attempted to scrape himself to simulate knife wounds.
The detective who interviewed Siegel immediately noticed that he was surprisingly nervous for someone who routinely spin-kicks armed attackers. When questioned about this, Siegel eventually folded and told the truth about what happened. When his date was asked about the incident, she described his actions as “not very heroic,” presumably right before calling every single woman in the state and pre-emptively destroying Siegel’s chances of ever getting a date again.
And the friend who played the mugger? Although he managed to escape without getting caught, we’re betting he had the worst few hours of his life: Between the “attack” and Siegel’s eventual confession, the police combed the area with K-9 units. That, dear readers, is what happens when you play the wingman for an idiot.
5. The Man Who Faked a Lottery Win and Cheated Everyone to Save His Marriage
Howard Walmsley’s marriage was in crisis so to stop his wife from leaving him he told her that he had won $13.5 million on the lottery when in reality he had won jack shit. Of course, he was perfectly aware that his “buy her love with nonexistent money” stratagem was a short-term solution at best. That’s why he proceeded to convince several banks about that same lottery win and used his fake winnings as collateral to take out real loans “while the lottery people sorted out his winnings.”
Not yet satisfied, Walmsley also convinced a car firm to let him drive their Jaguars and enlisted an architect to draw up plans for expansions to his house (the plans, naturally, included a swimming pool and gymnasium). The house, by the way, was a $460,000 farmhouse that he bought so hard, its previous owners wound up temporarily living in a trailer.
He achieved all of this armed with nothing but a silver tongue and empty promises of funds that never existed. His lying became so habitual that he even conned his own friends out of thousands of dollars. Still, it looked like Walmsley was winning: His apparent new wealth had rekindled the couple’s love, thus completing his prime objective of saving his marriage.
That is, until he was caught. His inevitable fall from the heights of financial power came less than two years later, when the police knocked on his door in the early morning to haul him off to jail. Walmsley was handed a three-year jail sentence.
Broke, imprisoned, and publicly shamed, he figured that his beloved wife would abandon him but shockingly she didn’t. She stayed by his side.
She said that in her eyes, he had done nothing wrong, since he only did it to keep them together.
So … success?
Have you ever told a ridiculous lie to impress someone? If so tell us about it.